Guess who is putting out Christmas supplies already? Target of course!

I will accept this as proof that I am not insane and Christmas is practically right around the corner. Hooray!

To celebrate this fact I have obtained a Christmas icon. I was going to do this a week ago, but I didn't want to jump the gun or anything.

Here is the true question of the day:

Would it be rude to leave my roommate an anonymous note that says "How can you be so obnoxious and smell so bad?"

I mean, shouldn't someone tell them?
Will they be able to trace it back to me?

I think I will suggest this as livejournal's 'Writer's Block' question, so I can get answers.

Also, I want to hide a kitten in my dorm, but I do not know how to accomplish this feat.

Hey internet!

Guess who just ordered all three volumes of Now That's What I Call Christmas?
If you guessed me, then you are most likely correct and I am most likely a moron. Hooray! Why is it not December yet?

Of course, this is half 'Yay I love Christmas!' and half 'God, I hate Oklahoma, I can't wait until this semester is over!' Seriously, Oklahoma, why are you so stupid?

On an exciting note, my roommate is going to be gone all day tomorrow practically! Life: it is good.

Right now feels like a good time to watch the cookie episode of Good Eats; yes or yes?

Yes!

Hey livejournal, it's only September and I'm already counting down the days until Christmas. What is the deal? I do not know. (ONLY ONE HUNDRED SHOPPING DAYS LEFT. GET OUT THERE. FOR REAL.)

Have I mentioned my college is the lamest of lame? Good times.

OH BY THE WAY, I am a sandwich making machine now. By profession I mean. IT IS WAY COOL. I like the name Jimmy Johns; it is possibly the GREATEST RESTAURANT NAME EVER, YES OR YES? Also, sometimes I make bike deliveries apparently.

Well, livejournal, it turns out that since I have cruelly abandoned you in the cold and rain etc. etc. there have been many exciting happenings. 'FOR REAL, MADDIE?' you ask. NO, NOT FOR REAL. DUH. But I am in college, a mere sixteen hours from my beloved and awful hometown. IT IS MOST PECULIAR. Like, today, I bought a sandwich. And. Uhm. It was a collegiate sandwich? It was also delicious, ok. IT HAD LETTUCE INSTEAD OF A BUN!
Anyway, check me out, I make the monumental change of moving away for college and am more excited about my (TOTALLY BUN-FREE) sandwich. Way cool, Maddie, way cool.
So mostly, to summarize, Maddie likes sandwiches without buns. (MORE ABOUT THIS COLLEGE THING LATER ON?)

Also, hey Capt. Miller! I no longer relate to your emotions. Could it be NEW MOOD THEME TIME? I think that is what I will do tomorrow (AT COLLEGE, HA HA.)

HEY YOU GUYS, IT'S PRACTICALLY CHRISTMAS!


HOORAY FOREVER!

Is anyone else ridiculously excited about National Treasure 2? For some reason all of my thoughts right now seem to be movie related. Living vicariously through movies? Absolutely yes.

I have recently watched Catch Me If You Can. Hey Tom Hanks! Let's be bffs; yes or yes? Basically, this was just an awesome movie (True story!) and is, coincidentally, based on a true story. Of course, the very coolest part is that I bought it for three dollars at Walmart. Really, I feel like this kind of insults the movie, but I can deal with that if it saves me ten dollars. This is because I am what? Noble, that's right.

Moving on! Yesterday, in the midst of a very inspired quest, I realized that there are only two places to buy movies in my city. That's so feeble I just cannot comprehend it. So I was trying to buy 'Where the Red Fern Grows' because it turns out that Dave Matthews (Seriously, Dave?) plays one of the main characters. Which to me seems like grounds for seriously awesome movie times. But WAIT, my sentences always end up so unresolved, what I was trying to say is that I never found it because both stores are lame and made out of fail.

Also, Peter Parker, you are a goober, we are over. Why can I suddenly not stand watching Spiderman? I do not know, but the slow motion action scenes have something to do with it.

Thirty days until Christmas? Hooray for everything!

In closing; please notice that my mood theme now consists entirely of Capt. Miller after several days of crazy screen-capping and even crazier cropping. Hooray for everything again!

Has it ever ocurred to anyone how crazy it would be if your life actually was like the Truman Show?
Well, it has ocurred to me, so feel free to save yourself the trouble.
Specifically it ocurred to me tonight because I was watching Seinfeld and all of the sudden the sound stopped working and I could hear someone talking about how bad their earpiece worked because there were too many walls between them and the receiver (which, by the way, is on the table). What does this mean? Well, mostly it means nothing, but it reminded me of a scene from the Truman Show.
Basically I am a moron, but seriously, that would be nuts.

Dear human race,

Saying, "Well, no one's going to do anything about helping the environment, so it doesn't matter if I do," is exactly the failure-type attitude that is KILLING EVERYTHING.

Screw you guys, lulz, starting my own planet,
M. Smith

To continue in my quest to 'Never Do Anything Logical' I have purchased myself a subscription here. WHATEVS, I THINK IT'S PRETTY COOL.

Probably that is mostly because now I can go totally nuts with Saving Private Ryan icons. I HEART YOU CAPT. MILLER.

It seems to me that there was a time when I did not end every sentence in caps locking, but certainly I do not recall why.

For the record, super cool kids at school:
No, you do not sound X-CORE when you say 'oooh my god, I can't wait to get out to my car so I can smoke a cigarette, lulz.'

ALSO: Why do I not own Jurassic Park the first? DR CHAOS THEORY, YOU ARE MADE OUT OF AWESOME.

WHOOPS I SHOULD BE SLEEPING.

You know what I love about work? The fact that I wear a neoprene shirt (that's right, I'm talking about that crazy stuff that they probably make wet suits and submarines out of, which water and every other substance known to mankind just repels off of, I mean it just leaps right off) every day and no one says anything about it. NEOPRENE AT WORK: AMAZING OR JUST PLAIN INCREDIBLE? Probably both.
Also, yesterday we ran out of toilet paper (the manager was not pleased, HEY MANAGER: It's probably your job to order the toilet paper, silly) so I got to make a Walmart run, which means that YES I got payed to walk to Walmart and buy toilet paper. SWEET. If only that were a career, I would probably, actually, I would make that career. I am volunteering right now to be the pioneer of the Emergency T.P. Run To Walmart Crew Career, which, as all of you acronymicists out there already know, can be shortened into ETPRTWCC, which is pronounced 'etpritwick,' and that sounds both awesome and nonsuspicious. "Oh, what do you do?" "Well, I'm a member of the elite Etpritwickers." "Excellent, you do wonderful work; you are a true contribution to society." I don't know why I bring things like this up.
NEOPRENE.
As of a few days ago, I am the proud owner of the game Guitar Hero 2. It is my LIFE now, I will see you later society. And I joined the theater tech crew, WORD. You may be asking yourself, 'What was the person in charge of the play thinking?' Probably nothing, you know, nothing at all, if you know what I mean. Have I mentioned lately that I bought TWO, count 'em two, Thomas Dolby CDs, and OF COURSE, the original Thomas Dolby LP 'The Golden Age of Wireless', including the, always amazing, She Blinded Me With Science, all for under twenty five dollars. Ah HA, my horrible taste in music has finally paid off. Of course, the real question is, how many commas did that sentence contain? EIGHT. And I bought an encyclopedia of dinosaurs. HAVING A JOB WITH A PAYCHECK AGAIN? ABSOLUTELY SWELL.
Now to summarize this entry:
Important things: NONE.
Awesome things: NEOPRENE. THOMAS DOLBY. DINOSAURS.

If I had one of those personalized mood themes, I would use this picture for every emotion:


So; colleges: Take too long to consider applications, yes or yes? A distracting matter, to be sure.

But in other news: I am throwing myself a chocolate soy milk party tonight after work. BE THERE OR BE SQUARE, DUDES. Dudes being me, my Thomas Dolby doll (homemade! I am cool forever.), and possibly my cat. And definitely tetanus!

I actually applied to some colleges; WOO!

Check that out, society, I am on the ball! (And late for work!)

Well, well, well, internet. It seems that when you go to a concert there is some sort of risk that the highway will completely stop moving and you will never actually arrive at the concert. Also, that you will end up behind an airport limousine full of people who clearly suffer from overactive bladders and beside from the 'using empty bottles as toilets and throwing them out the window' approach, believe strongly in using the road as a toilet. Possibly, they just thought that everyone was incredibly interested in watching this astounding feat, being stuck in non-moving traffic for upwards of two hours as we were, but I instead opted to read a small real estate pamphlet I found in the glove compartment.
So, Dave Matthews, sorry I couldn't be there; I know you're broken up. Drop me a line next time you're in the area. I'll order the Summer '07 Tour t-shirt off the website if it's all the same.
I'm guessing I should be really angry about this, but I've heard that most concerts can be summed up by 'drunk people falling down and rolling into other people' (this only includes concerts on hills), so I was pretty sure from the start that I wouldn't actually enjoy the whole sordid event if I got there. Technically speaking, I begged my mom to turn around the first time I saw someone break my core moral belief: No one goes to the bathroom in front of other people, or at least, not in front of me, alright.
So my mom and I payed a visit to the Milwaukee Zoo instead. An idea formulated while searching for a pizza restaurant in the yellow pages; for some reason, I seemed to be under the misconception that zoo is, in fact, a synonym for pizza. I was also, up until a few seconds ago, under the misconception that the word synonym cannot possibly have two y's in it, but that's another story entirely. The point, anyway, is that I like zoos, but monkeys are stupid.
I think that sums most things up pretty nicely.
I wish I had sunglasses like Elton John used to wear.

Hi-dee-hey, dear internet. I have got some news for you. News that will no doubt go down in history- no, beyond history. It will be both life-shattering and earth-shaking. If you are not intrigued, then may I be the first to say: good for you, chief. Regardless, I will be leaving my abode on Satuday to see this dude in concert:

So, hey, I'll be about five miles from the stage and I'll probably be rained on, but I go with one intention: to buy a concert shirt from a concert I've actually been to. Most of my life will still be a lie, but that will be one certified t-shirt, let me tell you.

But enough about me and my apparel selection, let's discuss the movie One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, actually let's talk about good old R.P.McMurphy; played, as we all know, by Jack Nicholson. What do we want to discuss? Well, many things I am sure, but all I really want to say is that he distinctly reminds me of a particularly friendly shark. Maybe that's just me, but the fact is that Jack Nicholson's eyebrows were clearly invented with the sole purpose of making him look totally insane. No, Jack Nicholson was invented with the sole purpose of looking insane.

So I guess I'm about finished here.
Does anyone really know what a pancreas is?

As much as having a job totally sucks, I was somehow tricked into getting another one. After my eight month long Super Unemployment Party. So if in a few weeks, or days, it seems more like I am a zombie than usual, it is probably because I am dead.
Also, if you happen to eat at Applebee's and notice that the person who takes you to your seat is borderline retarded, that is probably me.
So, you know, you might want to avoid that.

News! In the form of two sentences:

My ipod fails to accept the 'She Blinded Me With Science' music video.

It turns out my ipod is indeed a mean little puke.

This is a special message to all of the fruit fly variety insects out there: Lay off my computer screen all ready! Seriously. I propose a mass extinction of this kind of insect, preferably right now.
Other topics? Sources say 'yes.' The internet, whom I have been BFFs with for a while, has let me down by making me search for upwards of one hour for a picture of a phone booth. Seriously? What gives? (SIDE NOTE: A fruit fly just crawled over my question mark, literally. I don't know how that can happen figuratively, but I bet it could.) If I lived near the vicinity of phone booths I would photograph them ALL DAY.
The television is also boring me right now, but I'm willing to accept that it is because I am watching the life story of someone I have never even heard of. Is that cool? Context clues seem to suggest so! I think they are wearing a wig.
To avoid being accused of only discussing things that don't totally psych me (Because I'm seriously pretty psyched!) how about the movie Phone Booth? Snipers? Phone booths? Most awesome voice ever? (I clearly refer to the sniper.) A movie worth marrying, or, at least, a sniper worth marrying. I would like to quote the whole movie, or, failing in that, regail the world with my exciting tale of searching for the DVD for five hours, but I will refrain. But here is one particulary awesome set of lines (Make sure and imagine the coolest voice ever?):
Stu, don't do this. Please, come on. My sainted mother used to do this. She used to dish this out... Stu, please don't this. Stu, you're bringing back my unhappy childhood. Stu, talk to me, please! Talk to me! I can't take it Stu! (I hope you remember to imagine some TOTALLY SWEET LAUGHTER here.)
I'm kidding. I had a very happy childhood.

I would continue, but there are FRUIT FLIES crawling on me now. And also up my nose, you know, occasionally. (A word I cannot spell inspite of many tries.)

That is everything, I think. In seventeen days I am leaving for Europe! I suspect there will be no respect left for Americans by the time I am done.

WHAT IS UP WITH YOU, EXTENDED VERSION OF 'THAT THING YOU DO'? WAY TO BE RANDOMLY GAY. IT WAS KIND OF UNEXPECTED IS WHAT I'M SAYING HERE.


...
HERE IS A PICTURE OF A T-REX: